NewStats: 3,263,950 , 8,182,045 topics. Date: Monday, 09 June 2025 at 12:22 AM 6q3a1

silverlinen:
Omoorrr... Flow!! You don do me something o. How you go end the story just like this? So this Christmas go come dey boring like this?

No worry. Like they say in Nollywood, WATCH OUT FOR PART 2!!

Dear Nairalanders,
This piece here is my Christmas gift to you.
I love you all.

Dear Nairaland Literature Mods,
All I want for Christmas is that this story hit Nairaland front page.
Thank you.

Dear Seun Owner of Nairaland,
I have been somewhat consistent in your platform for over a decade.
Show me love ( details is in my profile)

God bless you all.

PS: I I said I'm not a perfect writer in the beginning of this story.
So I know they could be some errors here and there, I am going back to correct all the errors right away.

6 months have gone since Ovundah graduated.

“How can I possibly do such a thing?” Ovundah says to Sandra.

“You can do it!” Sandra pleads, ”Do it for me, for us, if you really love me you will do it”

“Look I know I betrayed your trust by doing it with her in the first place, but let’s let bygones be bygones! She can’t be my wife!!”


Another 6 months and Ovundah is getting married traditionally to two friends on the same day.

“Pastor Stanley say make I go ahead with this marriage! Him say since the two women get belle for me, I no get choice but to marry them!”

“See brother Ovundah na senior man, him wan marry two women for the same day!” Ovundah hears Sobulachi telling Abobo outside.

“Him no just be senior man, him be seniorest man! Him name suppose dey Guinesss book of record!” Ovundah is amazed how his brother and step brother are growing so fast.

Every time Ovundah looks at hi step brother Abobo he weeps. He weeps because he is the cause of his mother madness.

Chituru is currently receiving the desired care in psychiatric hospital Rumuigbo; Ovundah visits her every weekend to reassure her that her businesses and her son are well taken care of.

Sandra is efficiently running Chituru chains of provision stores while Ovundah has taken Sobulachi and Abobo to live with him in his newly restructured duplex. It turned out that Sandra, when IB told her Ovundah is responsible for her pregnancy made up her mind. She made up her mind that she will not allow her best friend become a baby mama for her lover, she made Ovundah tell all his tenants to leave, and with the about 100 million Naira she put together from her personal savings and from the money she was saving for Ovundah, they were able to erect a 6 bedroom duplex. It was difficult for Ovundah to let go of his friends but he had to let them know that: “A man gotta do what a man gotta do”

“A man gotta do what a man gotta do” The marriage rights were over.

“Sure you gotta do what you gotta do!” Ovundah is eating pounded yam and Okro soup with Obinna, Eze, Dili, but not Tunde; he had gone to Yoruba land to bury his brother, he heard the rumour that there is likelihood Ovundah had a hand in his brother’s death.

“But how you wan cope?”

“Cope with wetin?” Ovundah responds to Obinna.

“Cope with licking the Mangoes of these two beautiful women?”

“Your own no Mango!” Eze attacks Obinna.

“Eheen! Ovundah, I want to speak on behalf of me and Eze my brother here! We wan tell you say thank you for the house wey you give us for free make we stay!”

“Yes, we are so grateful!” Eze is chewing a piece of meat.

“Una be my brothers na, even though una from Dunu-Kofia, we still be brothers! And even sef, that house wey I give una na Papa-O house for Rukpokwu, as him don die na, e no go make sense make the house just dey like that!”

“Thank you Ovundah!” Obinna is so glad.

“So this food wey we dey chop so, shebi una know say if we apply chawling law the ratio go be 4:0:0” Ovundah teased.

“hahahahahha!” Their laughter reached the skies and comes down as pain.

THE END

In “Ikwerre Man” part two:

Will Sobulachi rule as king of the street? Will Abobo his step brother let him?

Will IB’s and Sandra’s sons allow their uncles get a hold of the street?

Can IB allow Sandra have more of Ovundah?

Will IB allow Ovundah have a say in how she spends the huge sum of money her father willed to her?

Will Dili bring up a rebirth of Iceland in Uniport?

Will Chituru ever recover?

Will Tunde get back at Ovundah for killing his brother?

Will Kate IB’s younger sister come for Ovundah’s life?

Did Obinna and Chidi Imo return to Coco business?

Will Bob Marley forces with Dili to restructure Iceland?

Is Paapa still alive?

What of Iya?

Find out in Ikwerre Man Part two

Previous works (In Nairaland):
Man Wey Dey reason (Completed): https://nairaland.isosite.org/1217099/man-wey-dey-reason
Ibo Boy wey Like Yoruba (Completed): https://nairaland.isosite.org/1178134/ibo-boy-wey-like-yoruba
Barrack Boy (Completed): https://nairaland.isosite.org/1174408/barrack-boy
Flow and Snow (Completed/Aborted): https://nairaland.isosite.org/2094868/flow-snow
Emmanuel Okoli (Completed/Aborted): https://nairaland.isosite.org/4739411/emmanuel-okoli
Pitakwa (Completed as Ebook - see link in my signature): https://nairaland.isosite.org/7524681/pitakwa
Na Man You Be: (To be continued, watch out!): https://nairaland.isosite.org/3910435/na-man
Brother Wale: (To be continued, watch out!): https://nairaland.isosite.org/2763386/brother-wale

More to come from the author:
Ikwerre Man Part two
Ekenedili
Brother Wale
Na Man you Be
Oluchi Okonkwo

The NDLEA got a lead that led to the arrest of cartel kingpin Chop-and-Clean-Mouth. They found out about his entire underground warehouse.

“Look Sandra I want to tell you something” Ovundah is discharged from the hospital; his house seems strange to him.

“What do you want to tell me?” Sandra is attentive, “If you want to tell me that you are sorry for becoming a cultist without letting me know, I have already forgiven you, I made you in the first place”

“No, not that

“Then what?”

“I want to tell you that……………………………………”

Ovundah’s phone rings.

Mama-O is calling.

“Hello, wetin dey happen to this family na? Chituru don run mad, them say dem see her for Rumuokoro market, she don mad!”

Now Ovundah is weeping bitterly.

“Why are you crying?”

“I am crying because I have caused so many people pain!” He speaks out.

“I’m the reason why Papa-O is no more, I’m the reason they burnt down Mama-O’s shop in the first place, I’m the reason Sobe is no more, I’m the reason Marvin Gay is no more, What of Dili? I don’t know if he is alive, I’m the reason why……………”

Ovundah is weeping bitterly.

He is crying an ocean.

“Don’t you worry everything is gonna be alright” Sandra gives him a reassuring hug.

“Are you sure?” He looks her in the eyes.

“Yes I’m so sure!”

“Everything will be fine? Even if I am responsible for the death of someone’s father?”

“Someone’s father??” Sandra froze.

“Yes!”

“Whose father?”

“IB!”

Three days later

“How I go take tell IB say na me kill her Papa?” Ovundah is recovering; the bullet wounds are healing.

“Hey! My love, you are awake!” Sandra enters the ward.

“I am awake? Shey this one want make I die so that she go carry my money give another man?” Ovundah almost said.

“Yeah I am awake!”

“The other man we brought along with you is recovering, the Doctor said he just sustained minor injuries!”

“Who is the person? Does he have dread lock?” Ovundah asks.

“Yeah!” Ovundah is glad Bob Marley made it alive.

“What of Paapa?” Ovundah recalls Paapa saving the day by swiftly pulling the trigger on Omo; that’s the last thing he re before the bullet from the local gun hit him twice.

“Who is Paapa?” Sandra is not sure, “If you mean Papa-O then…………………”

“Then what?” Ovundah struggles to raise his upper frame.

“He, he, he couldn’t make it!” Sandra is so sad, “Your mother said he gave up the ghost two nights ago”

Oooh Papa-O!!

Make una no fear, the story never finish

More update coming soon

Dear university freshers,
Read the bold text from the last post again.

“Let us live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry” A quote by Mark Twain is on the wall in the hospital ward.

For the fact that Omo is dead, Ovundah is sure he has lived his life perfectly.

Shot twice in his shoulder, Pastor Stanley believes Ovundah will live and not die.

It turned out Omo was a step ahead of the Icelanders, he imported professional shooters from Ilesha, the ones with the native guns responsible for taking down Sobe and some back men, before then, Dili had Radio Paapa to shoot Omo immediately the Hookah poisoning started working because he noticed some men that looked like native hunters entered the hotel.

The number of casualties if likened to scores in football match is 5 for Icelanders and 7 for Eiye.

The gun battle defaced the hotel VIP section.

It turned out that Pastor Stanley got the information earlier and informed the police.

More back men than point men were arrested.

More back men than point men died.

Dili fled.

Ovundah is in intensive care. The bullets were poisoned from Ilesha.

“God please!! If he dies I die too!” Sandra is praying for the love of her life to live.

She is crying a river.

She is pregnant.

Unverified, but Legend has it that anybody with six fingers (with one awkwardly looking small one growing after the fifth one) tend to be successful in any venture they are into. Indeed Chituru has succeeded beyond measures in her business, She has 3 provision stores already and she intends setting up a fourth one before the end of the year.

“Chituru you don go see your husband for hospital?” Ovundah arrives Chituru’s headoffice.

“I wan go, I plan to go this evening!” Chituru responds.

“Okay, come first, come sidon make we gist!”

“Me and you gist? Wetin we wan gist?” Chituru is surprised.

“Make we gist na, as son and step mother na!” Ovundah is calling her his step mother for the first time.

“You wan buy drink?” Chituru is acting formal.

“I want red wine!” Ovundah says, “but you go sidon drink am with me ooh!”

“Must I drink am with you?”

“Yes na, come make me and you enjoy the drink together na, you know say I no go fit finish am!”

Chituru drank a cup of the red wine before she started feeling h'orny.

Long story short Ovundah had sex with his step mother in the toilet shaving off some of the hairs in her private part.


“Iya na the hair be this!” Ovundah, Sobe and Dili is at Iya’s

Iya made some incantations and said, “If this charm go work to cancel that thing wey Omo wear for waist, the person wey you collect this hair from go mad by midnight today”

Ooh No! Chituru!

“Pastor Stanley, do you think I should have gone with IB to her house?” Pastor Stanley and another brother in church are preaching to Sandra in her Hotel room; they are sharing the word of God with her.

“No, we will her, I know the address, we will her on Thursday after Wednesday service tomorrow!”


“We can leverage in another information I just got!” Sobe the information minister.

“What’s the information?

“Papa Bisi their jazzman is giving Omo a two factor authentication for protection on his birthday!”

“Two factor authentication?” Dili is shocked.

“What is this two factor authentication?”

“Omo will tie a bead on his waist that will become hot on his body to signal him of our entrance!” Sobe begins, “And Iya said for us to be able to neutralize the effect of that bead we must get the hairs from the private part of a woman with six fingers on her right hand, any woman with six fingers!”

“How we go take get woman wey get six fingers within 24 hours?” Bob Marley tries to imagine.

“I know one woman!” Ovundah re.

“Na me kill IB papa!” Smoke forms cloud overs Ovundah’s head in Monalisa’s VIP.

“Sobe for tell me say the man na IB papa na!”

“Why Sandra want make I born again?”

“Abi Jesus go soon come?”

“Papa-O operation na tomorrow! Jesus before you go come abeg make Papa-O no die! I wan give the man grand pikin before him die”

“Sandra don know say I be Point 1”

“But na she cause am, na she make me cult by force, now she want make I comot by force!”

“I no wan continue with cult but before I go hang boot, I must first kpai Omo!”

“Point 1, everything don set, Omo and his boys will be celebrating his birthday in the VIP section of one Grand La Cina Hotel tomorrow evening!” Sobe enters Monalisa’s VIP to meet Ovundah.

“So is all set?”

“Yes all is set, our guns are ready, all our back-men are lodged in rooms 13, 14, 15 and 16 of the Hotel!” Sobe begins, “I am coming in as a bartender, Dili will be at the gate as the gateman, you and Bob Marley as cleaners!”

“So tell me, whats the striking point?” Indian H’emp has taken a better part of Ovundah’s right senses.

“The striking point is when Paapa will serve Omo Hookah that is poisoned!”

“So how are we neutralizing Omomo's charms?” Ovundah demands.

“His charms can be neutralized when urine is poured on him!”

“Urine?”

“Yes urine, you and Bob Marley will come with mopping buckets containing urine and pretend you are mopping the floor close to where he is seated, before then he would have taken Paapa’s Hookah and become weak, he and his point men!” Sobe is precise, “That will now create room for you and Bob Marley to pour them the urine!”

“We are pouring the urine on only the point men? what of the back-men?”

“Those ones are not selina tested, me and some of our back men will take care of them!”

Ovundah is sure the plan is well structured.

“Look Ovundah my love, I want you to leave cultism! It is not for you!” Sandra and Ovundah are eating out.

“Who told you that I’m a cultist?”

“You can’t hide it from me!” Sandra’s eyes is fixed on Ovundah’s

“What do you mean by I can’t hide it from you!”

“You can’t hide it from me because I have been in the picture all through” Sandra begins, “I was in the picture when Obele forced you to Iceland, I told him you are the best fit to kill Chief Danjuma”

“You what?” Ovundah yells.

“I did it because I wanted you to be the one that will take over from Obele as point 1”

“Okay I get it! You wanted me to take over from Obele so that I can be a strong man for you abi? Just as you wanted me to be good with my English right?” Ovundah says.

“No that’s not it, I wanted you to be rich, I wanted the good life for you!”

“You wanted me to be rich? Is that why you have taken it upon yourself to help me save money?”

“Yes I want you to be saving for the rainy days!”

“So why do you want me to quit cultism now? Why?”

“Lower your voice! You are shouting!” Sandra is cautious of the environment.

“Okay you want me to whisper?” Ovundah lowers his voice, “I will lower my voice Sandra, I will when you tell me the real reason why you want me to quit cultism”

“I want you to quit cultism because Jesus loves you, I want you to quit because Jesus died for your sins!” Sandra is not a perfect preacher.

“Did they pay you to preach to me?” Ovundah is not finding it funny, “Just tell me and I will pay you twice of what they paid you!”

“Nobody paid me, I am telling you that if you really love me like you said you do, you’ll quit cultism for me!” Those words seems sharper than sword to Ovundah’s heart.

“I love you Sandra, I love you so much, but I guarantee you I am not quitting now, who will lead my sheep ehnn?”

“you can hand over to your second in command!” Sandra says, “Is that not how it is done in your Iceland? In Angels of the Night, that is how it is done!!”

“Wait, wait! You are a member of Angels of the Night?”

“Yes, I was a member, but not anymore, I am a new creature now!”

“I am shocked!”

“Don’t be shocked Ovundah, I am changed now!” Sandra is weeping, “Cultism is not good, they could take your life before you graduate, IB lost her dad Yesterday!”

“IB lost her Dad?” The news hit Ovundah differently.

“Yes, Chief Reynold is dead, it is rumored that of a secret cult killed him close to of his compound!”

“Chief Reynold? IB’s dad is Chief Reynold?”

“Pastor, Rey Mysterio don die!” IB is crying.

“Take heart! God gives, God takes!” Stanley is looking for the right words to comfort IB.

“And God decided to take my own father out of all the fathers in this world?”

“IB take heart! I know how you feel!” The occupant of room 18 enters room 17.

“Sandra my papa do die! Who go love me like Rey Mysterio?”

“God! God loves you even more than your earthly father!” Sandra used Stanley’s best line for preaching.

“If he loves me more than my earthly father, then why did he let them kill my father? They murdered him!”

“Everything happens for a reason!” Now Sandra is misty eyes, “Such a good man!”

Sandra re how she met IB.

It was Uniport’s Matriculation and everywhere was jam-packed. Phone network for calls, data and text were acting up.

“Hey how are you? Come lets take pictures!” Sandra saw IB at a corner in mass communication department’s stand.

“I am not in the mood for any picture, my dad is on his way and the network is bad, I can’t reach him!”

“Ooh” that’s too bad! Have you tried calling your mum?”

“Mum? I said my dad is coming, didn’t you hear me well?” IB is pissed. She is always pissed when her cheating mother is mentioned; since she left her father, he has become a happier man.

“Okay, you know what we will do?”

“What?”

“What is your father’s name?” Sandra asks.

“Why? What do you want to do with his name?”

“Just tell me”

“His name is Reynold George! Chief Reynold George! He should be somewhere around looking for me”

“Okay, Chief Reynold George! Just wait here I am coming! Don’t move, I will come with your dad!” Sandra assures her.

Sandra wrote on a Placard “Chief Reynold George, your daughter is looking for you, she is worried. I am her friend, I am not a kidnapper! Come with me!” and stood at the university front gate holding the placard high.

When Sandra told Chief Reynold that she is an orphan with a brother who is a farmer in Ogbakiri responsible for funding her schooling, he felt pity for her and vowed to pay her fees throughout her schooling, but on one condition.

The condition was to make sure his daughter never s a secret cult, studies hard and don’t follow men.

Sandra can wholeheartedly say she kept her side of the bargain just as Chief Reynold kept his.

But he is not alive to see his lovely daughter graduate.

“Dili say for us to fight the Eiye boys, all Icelanders must come on board!” Ovundah is at Mama-O for life eating Boley and fish.

“Sobe say we need enough money to buy guns if we must win the battle!”

“Paapa say him go help me hire power bike for the mission!”

“Sandra say make I accept Jesus, say na Jesus go save my soul! She say she dey pray for me!”

“Papa-O no well!”

“Eheen Mama you don go hospital go see your husband?” Ovundah tells his mum.

“Yes I don go, doctor say we go need 10 million Naira for them to work on the stroke!”

“Stroke! Who com give Papa-O stroke?” Ovundah can’t imagine.

His phone rings. Its Sobe calling; there is a new finding.

“Hello Point 1 my Lord, I get confirm information for you, Bisi your course mate, her papa na strong jaz man, na him dey prepare Omo jaz, Bisi Mama na Mama Oshogbo wey you dey chop her food for Rumuokoro market”

Everything is playing out in Ovundah’s head.

The Okro mixed with Egusi.

Mama-O’s shop burnt down.

And wait!

Papa-O’s stroke.

Few weeks ago Papa-O started working with the newly elected local government chairman of Obio/Akpor local government.

“Where I go fit dey chop better food for that una Rumuokoro market?” He called his son Ovundah one hot afternoon.

“Food! That one no be problem na, na Mama Oshogbo be the best place wey you go knack correct food!” Ovundah informed him.

“Mama Oshogbo? You know say I no like Yoruba people?”

“Papa who tell you say Oshogbo dey for Yoruba land? Oshogbo na Benue state e dey na!” Just to convince his father to patronize Mama Oshogbo.

Papa-O was convinced.

And now he has stroke.

“You say you want Mess 5kg and Goat meat 5kg” Ovundah has resumed his duty at Rumuokoro, “I no get Goat Meat Pepper soup oh, na ordinary Goat meat I get!”

“All this client dem sef, them no go tell person in time wetin dem want so that person go prepare!” He hangs up the call.

“Stop cultism now! Accept Jesus!” A text message enters his phone.

“Why Sandra dey send me this kin message na?” Ovundah is surprised, “Which one be say make I accept Jesus? Abi na another scope wey she wan use collect money from me? My money wey she dey put for her , she no gree give me!”

“Oga welcome! Na which size of bra you wan buy!” Ovundah knows this particular customer is a “Mumu” customer, so he offers him a customized bra having small wraps of Mumu coca’ine hidden in it.

“Stop selling coca’ine, your life might be in danger!” Another text message.

Ovundah scrolls up to understand the previous message before scrolling down to read the new message.

“Stop cultism now! Accept Jesus!”

“How Sandra take know say I dey cult? Who tell her?” Ovundah is wondering.

“Stop selling coca’ine, your life might be in danger!”

“How she take know say I dey sell coca’ine? Who tell her?”


IB is lying down in her hotel room when her phone rings.

“Why is Barinua calling me?” Just when she has decided she wants to give her life to Christ, her temptation is calling.

Barinua, Chief’s security head is every woman’s dream muscular shaped man. It doesn’t end there, Barinua bass voice is somewhat romantic than his soft touch and attractive smile. His skills in bed? Out of this world, making our IB tempted to come back home every weekend to have a taste of his first class rough handling. Sex god!

But no, our sex god is not seducing IB on phone as he always does which makes her lose her mind and send him money.

He is calling to inform IB that her father has ed.

Never worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow you might inherit a million dollars – or be run over by a truck or inherit a million dollars and be run over by a truck.

For Marvin Gay that tomorrow has come.

He is no more.

“Wetin that body guard take hit Marvin Gay wey him just fall for ground and foam com dey comot for him mouth” Ovundah is thinking.

“Why our selina no work for Marvin Gay?”

“I Marvin Gay used to say to me: Never be afraid to try, ……………amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic!” Dili mutters.

“I Marvin been dey tell me say: When the chips are down na that time you go know say Coconut chips and plantain chips no be mate!” Sobe weeps.

“I Marvin Gay used to say to me: Be like the rose flower, it grew from the crack on the concrete yet it has beautiful petals!” Bob Marley can’t forgive himself for allowing such a beautiful rose flower to be trampled upon right under his nose.

“I Marvin Gay been dey tell me say: If the only weapon wey you get for your hand na hammer, know say every problem wey you dey face na nail!” Ovundah shed tears.

“I Marvin Gay used to say to me: The downfall of a dry leaf is a warning to the fresh ones on the tree!” Ovundah is crying a river.

“The downfall of a dry leaf is a warning to the fresh ones on the tree!”

Will the fresh leaves on the tree listen to the warning that One day the hunter can be hunted?

“Mercy said no! You would have been dead if not for God’s mercy!” Stanley words are piercing throw Sandra’s heart.

“What of my enemies, lets assume I survive today - which I am not sure I will, do you think I will forgive them?”

“See the Bible in Luke 6 verse 27 says Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you!”

“Stanley I will die, I am nothing without these charms!” Sandra couldn’t take her eyes off the waist beads on the floor.

“You will not die, these charms are not for you, these people after your life are just mortals, for the Bible says in Matthew 10 verse 28 Fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him which is able to destroy both Soul and body in hell!”

“By this, do you mean these guys can destroy my body?”

“No they can’t, God has promised us that He will not leave us nor forsake us, He is our shield and our fortress!”

“You say these things because you will not be going to the exam hall with me!”

“I will sure go to the hall with you”

“You? You wan die? Are you selina tested?”

“I don’t need to be selina tested, in fact God is my selina!” Sandra is sure Stanley is not aware of how he could lose his life trying to save a soul.

“Meanwhile I have 2 armed Police men in the vehicle, they are going to the exam hall with you, with us, because I will be going to the exam hall with you like i said”

“Thank you!” There is a sigh of relief.

The vehicle carrying IB is 600 metres from the School’s main gate when a loud explosion is heard.

IB’s heart skips, the phone she is holding falls off her hand.

Her tongue is dry.

What can these signs mean?

“Walk with me! Will you walk with me in this journey! I have never walked this path before!” IB couldn’t let go of Stanley’s hand.

“I will walk with you surely, plus, God is walking with us, He said in his word Lo I am with you always, even to the end of the world!”

“I promise not to disappoint God!”

“Sure I trust you, I know you wont disappoint God!” Stanley brings out a Bible from his bags, “take this, this is the Bible, the word of God, the light to your path!”

“Thank you!”

“Okay, a Lexus jeep is parked outside with a driver inside, he will take you to school and he will act as your security to the exam hall, anything he tells you to do, do it!” Stanley instructs.

“Okay Pastor!”

“Alright I will meet with you here in the evening!”

As Stanley walks out of room 17 he could feel the breath of fresh air, IB is won. Sandra is next.


Ovundah and Sobe are not leaving the road.

“What of if this motor jam us!” Ovundah entertains fear for a while.

“Leave the road you fo-ols!” Chief’s driver yells.

As the driver and the bodyguard steps down to possible throw SObe and Ovundah into the drainage Marvin Gay and Bob Marley are already walking towards both sides of the car. Marvin gay maintains a distance waiting for Chief to step down while Bob Marley deflates the tyre swiftly.

“Hey! Who are you? What are you doing there?” The driver notices Bob Marley and runs to him; too late the tyre is flat already.

“What is happening there?” Chief Reynold George is stepping out of the vehicle.

The plan is should Marvin Gay miss Chief’s forehead, Sobe wouldn’t miss. Why would Marvin Gay the sharp shooter miss in the first place?

Well, he didn’t.

Chief is down crawling. His blood is a stream on the tarred road.

Bob Marley couldn’t spare the driver; he is dead in the pool of his blood.

“You are a gonna!” Sobe pulls the trigger on the body guard.

Chief Reynold George is holding Marvin Gay’s feet, “Have mercy on me!”

“No mercy!”

“Dear Lord, Help Me!” Stanley knocks at room 17.

IB makes sure it is Stanley knocking before she opens.

“Hope you slept well?”

“Sure I did, although it was such a short night, I was trying to study for the last paper!”

“That’s good, have you had breakfast?”

“Yes, the room service guys offered me Rice earlier!”

“See, IB I have something to tell you before we leave”

“What is it?” IB sits.

“Do you know that God loves you so much that it hurts Him when you sin against your own body by committing fornication, He said your body is His temple and when you commit fornication you defile His temple!”

They is absolute silence before IB says, “To tell you the truth Pastor Stanley, I was thinking about what you said to me last night before you left! Am I really a child of God?”

“Yes you are, and he has created you in his image and likeness! He loves you”


Everybody is set. Sobe and Ovundah are sitting on the floor as beggars. Marvin Gay and Bob Marley are seated under a nearby tree eyes wide open.

Paapa has parked the car nearby watching the movie unfold from his side mirrors.

“Okay guys, Chief’s car is 200 metres away!” Dili announces.

Ovundah's phone rings, it's Sandra, he quickly puts off the phone.

Duty time is no pleasure time.

Paapa is given a Cadillac Escalade ESV to drive, Ovundah is sitting beside him, Sobe, Marvin Gay and Bob Marley are at the back all three of them are with guns.

“Okay guys you are 500 metres from Chief’s Residence, fasten your seat belts” Dili radios his guys from an unknown location; they are to achieve the mission in less than 5 minutes and meet him in the unknown location.

“We are ready, please keep track with Chief’s vehicle and let us know how close he is to the scene!” Sobe speaks to Dili.

“Sure I will, But Sobe you and Point 1 need to act it up perfectly, no mistakes whatsoever!” Ovundah is sure he will not make any mistake, this is not the first time he is acting a beggar role. He had acted as one in Secondary school, an act that won him Sandra’s heart.

“Are you a real beggar?” Younger Sandra asked younger Ovundah after the school drama competition that ended with Ovundah’s class coming first.

“Me? A real beggar? I have never begged before!” Yet the award for the most consistent beggar-of-food goes to no other but him.


“Now everyone, quickly put on your costumes, we are 200 metres away, Chief just stepped out of the gym!” Dili radios.

“Paapa you must keep your eyes on us at all times!” Ovundah gives his last order before they step out of the car, “everyone please we must act according to script, if we do this we are well on our way to becoming multi-millionaires, each of us”

He finishes giving his last order then he turns to God.

“Dear Lord, Help me!”

“This is it……………Sobe and Point 1 will act like blind beggars siting on the floor in front of Chief Reynold Compound obstructing the entrance as the car is about to drive into the compound from the gym, Chief owns a gym and he goes to work out at his gym 6am every Saturday” Dilli narrates, “Every time he goes to the gym he goes with one vehicle, one bodyguard and the driver”

“So where does I and Marvin gay come in?” Bob Marley asks.

“Marvin Gay will spill the coconut water and sand on Chief’s face once he comes down from the car”

“So how do we get Chief to get down from the car?” Ovundah is curious.

“Its simple, while Sobe and Point 1 will make the driver and the body guard come down to come drag them out of the road, Bob Marley will deflate the car tyre, this will distract their attention from Sobe and Point 1 and in turn force Chief seeing all the drama outside to come down from the vehicle” Dili got it all planned out.

“Who go drive the car wey we go use go?” Sobe asks.

“No worry for that one, I get person we go drive us!”

“Who the person be? We know am? Him hand strong?”

“You no know am, him name na Paapa!!” Ovundah is sure Paapa will do a nice job.


“Nice job my son!” Pastor Stanley feels he heard God speak to him. He wakes up earlier than usual, he is sure the day is going to be memorable; he doesn’t want to mess things up with the souls he is on the verge of winning for Christ.

“Dear Lord father, Thank you for making me see another day, thank you for your son Jesus Christ who died for me and for these souls Sandra and Ibifuro. They are you daughters Lord and their lives cannot be wasted like that!” Pastor Stanley is on his knees, “Dear Lord, protect us from the arrow that flies by day and the noisome pestilence, In Jesus Name, Amen”

He is sure God has sent two angels; one to room 17 and the other to room 18 Grand La Cina Hotel.

“So here we go! Your room!” Stanley and IB enters room 17 Grand La Cina Hotel.

“So Stanley you don’t want me right?”

“I want you, but it’s just that I don’t want you staying in the same room with me”

“Is it because you are pastor?” IB looks him in the eyes.

“No, it is because I am a child of the most High God!” Stanley fixes his eyes on hers.

“I know you are a pastor and I promise to love you like that”

“I am a child of God and I want you to know that Jesus wants you to come back to him as a child to a father! Think about it!!” Stanley stands to leave, “I will make sure your meals are brought to you here, make sure you remain in this room at all time, don’t leave the room no matter what, I will be coming tomorrow morning to drive you to school for your last paper!”

Stanley drives out of Grand La Cina Hotel after saying a prayer, “Dear Lord father thank you for this soul, I know everything is working together for your good! Lord please, help me to win this one for you, you have made her in your image and likeness, let the word that I speak to her bring life to her soul, and dear Lord father, I want Sandra, I want to win her soul to you, make it possible ooh Lord, in Jesus Name I pray. Amen!”

And his prayer is answered.

At the junction leading to the main road Stanley sees Sandra as she alight a cab, she is with her luggage.

“Where are you going to?” He stops his car.

“I have a meeting at Grand La Cina Hotel!” Sandra stutters.

“What kind of meeting?” Stanley is sure she lied.

“ehnnnnnn ehnnnn Ikwerre girls meeting!”

“Which one is Ikwerre girls meeting again?” Stanley laughs out loud, “come in, let me take you to the Ikwerre girls meeting!”

“See Stanley I have been wanting to tell you all along, I love you and I know you love me too!”

“Sure I do love you, with the love of God!”

“I am a member of a cult and a rival cult which I was a former member wants me dead!” Sandra is crying, “They don’t want me to write my final paper!”

“Don’t worry I will secure you!” Stanley doesn’t know how those words give Sandra hope.

“Really? You will?” Sandra is certain Stanley even though not a member of cult can secure her better than Ovundah who is a Point 1. She doesn’t want to get Ovundah involved in her mess.

“Sure I will! I mean what are friends for?”

“They are dangerous! They have weapons, they can kill and destroy!”

“I know, see, killing and destroying is the hand work of the devil, above all we will conquer the devil and his skims, we will I assure you”

“I left the hotel I lodged last night because I had the feeling they had tracked me to that hotel, someone told me the best hotel to hide is Grand La Cina Hotel!” They are at the entrance of Grand La Cina.

“Is room 18 free?” Stanley asks the Receptionist.

“It is sir!”

“Okay, lets have it!”

“I love you so much! Thank you!” In the room, Sandra is so close to a kiss.

“See Sandra I want to ask you a delicate question?” Stanley steps aside.

“Ask me my love!”

“Do you love God?”

“God? I do!” The words seem heavier than she thought.

“Can you give up anything for Him?”

“Sure I can! He made me!”

“I am glad you know He made you, so he is asking you to give up this life for him, he will secure you and set your free! Think about it!” Stanley stands to leave, “I will make sure your meals are brought to you here, make sure you remain in this room at all time, don’t leave the room no matter what, I will be coming tomorrow morning to drive you to school for your last paper!”

Immediately Stanley walks room 17 and 18 he said, “Thank you Jesus!”

Jesus the Redeemer.

When Chop and Clean Mouth who is a heavy hitter in the city of Port Harcourt wants someone to go down, the person must go down lower than six feet.

“Sobe say we go knack the hit this Saturday, him say na me and him and Bob Marley and Marvin Gay to carry out the hit, say Dili go dey for computer dey monitor our movement and dey give us instructions with call!” Ovundah is lying on his bed; he just finished five rounds with Bisi.

“Who go drive the motor wey we go use go?”


“Sweetheart I want to prepare you Okro soup, you’ll like it!” Bisi is out of the bathroom.

“No I don’t want Okro, I want Egusi, I don’t like Okro soup!”

“See ehnnn you will like it ooh, I want to cook you Yoruba Okro soup with plenty oil and pepper!”

“No na, I no want na, what you should cook is Yoruba Egusi soup with plenty oil and pepper!” Ovundah says.

“Okay I give up, meat or fish?”

“Meat and Fish, but please don’t mix this Egusi soup with Okro soup, please, I hate Okro soup, it makes me sick!” Ovundah announces.

“Okay Okay!! No Okro, Egusi throughout! transfer me 15k for the soup”

Once bitten twice shy Ovundah needs to take the soup to the lab to be sure they is no atomic properties of Okro mixed with it.

“But why oil full the soup like this na?”

“Yes na, you said you wanted Yoruba Egusi soup with plenty oil and pepper, that’s what you have na!”

As Ovundah puts his hand into the plate of Egusi soup, he is wondering how long this his “Okro investigation” will continue, he thinks Iya should be capable of making him eat any soup he wants.

“Choi!! The oil for this soup too much ooh! Oil spillage!” Ovundah’s shirt is stained already.

“That is the best way you can enjoy Egusi soup!”

“No wonder Eze dey call una Ofe’mmanu people!” Ovundah speaks his native Ikwerre dialect.

“I heard what you said you hear!” Bisi attacks, “You are calling me Ofe’mmanu girl!”

“No na, how can I call my darling Ofe’mmanu!” Ovundah kisses Bisi and smiles afterward.

Who could have thought our former “smiling-mouth” Bisi can be kissed.

Ovundah thinks the best way to say thank you to Bisi for helping him sort all his last semester courses is by taking her out.

“The girl dey try for me, see as A just full my results!” Ovundah is smiling at the department’s result board, “No I must take her out, I will take her to Mama-O for life”

“You come here often?” Bisi is enjoying the Goat meat pepper soup she is served.

“Me? Come here often, my mother owns the place, Mama-O is my mother!”

“You mean it? That woman is your mother?” Bisi is surprised, “She is very hardworking I must say!”

“Yes she is, don’t mind bad people, recently some bad people burnt down this place, I rebuilt it”

“Ooh so sorry about that, why would they do such a thing?” Bisi asks.

“Well because of woman, they thought I was dating their girlfriend when I wasn’t” Ovundah is still saying that when Mama-O ed, “Eheeen Mama-O come make I introduce you to my friend!”

“Bisi meet my lovely mother, Mama-O this na my friend Bisi!”

“Mama-O I dey happy to meet you!”

“Mama-O I been dey tell Bisi how some bad people been burn down this place”

“My pikin naso we see am ooh, enemies of progress wey no want my progress na their hand work!”

“So sorry about that ma!”

“Mama-O oooh I wan ask you something ooh, If for example you see the pikin of the man wey burn down your house come chop for here, wetin you go do am!” Ovundah throws it out to Mama-O.

“Nothing I go do am ooh, that one don , I don forgive them. Bible say make we forgive and forget!” Mama-O is quick to respond.

“Forgive and forget?”

“Yes na, and the same Bible say make we love our neighbours as ourselves!”

We wish Mama-O is aware that that “her neighbour” the bible talks of is right in front of her.

“So you are now sharing Stanley with me? You get mind ooh!” Sandra sits IB down.

“Me? Share Stanley with you? He just gave me a ride that day ooh, nothing more ooh!”

“You? Nothing more?”

“I swear, nothing more!” IB replies.

“See I don’t even have your time, I just want to inform you that you need to leave this room, don’t the night here, they are coming for me, and if they don’t find me, they will take you down!”

IB already knows who there are; of Black Bra Confraternity Sandra’s former cult before Madam Confidence lured her over to rival Angels of the Night with the bait of becoming the Campus queen.

“Why are they after you? What did you do?” Sandra had left the room.

“This Sandra, She might not graduate alive!” IB says to herself, “Our last paper is in two days and she is already running from pillar to post! Where can I go to now? I don’t want to die ooh!”

IB is thinking while packing her things, “I think I should call Stanley, I can use this opportunity to get him to have sex with me!”

“Hello Handsome! How are you……………………………………………… I told you she is a member of a cult, they are after her life now, and they might kill me if they find me here, please can I a night at your place, I promise to leave by tomorrow morning……………………………………………………………………… you are not at your place, where are you then? ……………………………………………………………………………………………… You are in church …………………………………………………………………………… For a virgil?……………………………………………………………………… where is your church?”

Stanley has a lot of work to do.

“Chop and Clean Mouth say to kill this man, we go first pour spit for sand wey dey ground, then we go pour coconut water for mouth, after that one we go pack the sand wey we don pour spit from the ground put for mouth mix am with the coconut water com pour am for him face” Dili is narrating to Ovundah and Sobe, “Then we no go let wetin we pour for him face dry before we go shoot am for the centre of him forehead, e must be for the centre of him forehead ooh!”

“If we must target the centre of him forehead then we must need Marvin Gay and Bob Marley, na them be our sharpest shooters” Sobe says.

“Yes, I don call them, them dey on their way to this meeting”

Enters Marvin Gay and Bob Marley with 2 long bags.

“Una get the Kala?” Ovundah asks Marvin Gay.

“Yes na them be this!” Marvin Gay opens the bags to reveal guns of different sizes.

“But Point 1, the people wey give us this Kala say we go balance them 200kay when we dey return the kala”

“No wam na, that na small thing, make we first go the mission com back first”

Dili dilly dallies before he says, “We need to act a scene that will warrant Chief Reynold to come down from his car, you know he is always in his car or inside his house, he is hardly found in social gatherings and the last I checked the chances of us penetrating the security into his house is slim, very slim!”

“So whats the scene we are acting?”

“This is it……………………………………”

“Sobe say you know who be Chief Reynold George” Ovundah and Tunde are eating at Amala Affairs.

“Who be Sobe?”

“You no need to know who be Sobe, Shey you know chief Reynold George?”

“Chief Reynold? Na my before oga na, I be him driver before”

“You be him driver before, so why you com leave am?” Ovundah asks a very important question.

“Well, the man lock me for station for something wey him dey accuse me of!” Tunde begins, “but I no do that thing ooh, I dey innocent!”

“Wetin be the thing wey him dey accuse you of?”

“Ehnnn, him say I dey sleep with him wife!”

“Ahhhh Tunde! Why na?”

“I no sleep with him wife ooh!”

“Na lie abeg, I sure die say you sleep with him wife, every time you and people wife, you go soon die ooh!”

“I no go soon die! I will live to declare the word of God in the land of the living” Pastor Tunde.

“Paapa-O for kill you on top Chituru matter, you don forget? Now you go sleep with Chief Reynold wife, Tunde change your ways!”

“Oga adviser, you too change your ways!”

“Well that one concern you, if you like change, if you like no change, I just need some information about Chief Reynold from you!”

“Which information wey you need?”

“Anything, just tell me anything wey I need to know!”

"i go tell you if you promise me say this Amala wey we dey chop so na you go pay, and you go buy extre for me!"

"Before nkor? Na me go pay na, No be me carry you come here? if you need extra that one na Moi Moi case!"

Moi Moi case and our Tunde orders Moi Moi and Agidi jollof.

“Okay, Chief Reynold na good man, him dey give to the society, him dey give food to people wey no get food, clothes to people wey no get clothes and house to people wey no get house!” Tunde begins, “Bad thing be say him dey move drugs, and I dey suspect say him with Baba my former boss dey the same secret cult, them be very close friends”

“This your former boss Baba, who him be?”

“You no know am, na him be Chop and Clean Mouth na!”

“Chop and Clean Mouth?”

More interesting updates coming up.

Seun Nairaland wey my Christmas Gift?

Make somebody here do Christmas for me.

Paapa has forgiven Ovundah for mangling his wheel screen with his red pipe severely, he has forgiven him for deflating his tyre, he has forgiven him for making the police seize his papers, he has forgiven him for seizing his keys countless number of times, he has forgiven him for the number of times his punches landed on his wrinkled face, he has forgiven he and Etche for stealing his car battery and denying it, but forgetting all these evil acts is manana.

“Paapa I wan go see Iya, come pick me!” Ovundah is speaking to Paapa on phone.

Since the day Paapa drove Ovundah to Iya’s shrine; the Okro day when Ovundah almost lost his life, Ovundah made him swore.

He made him swore in Iya’s shrine that:
1. He will pick his (Ovundah) call anytime he calls him
2. He will drop him (Ovundah) in the shrine, wait for him to finish whatever he is doing and then take him to wherever he picked him from.
3. He will never reveal Ovundah’s Iya, the shrine and what Ovundah does with Iya to anybody.

These three rules he must obey to:
1. Be the wealthiest taxi driver in RumuOkoro park and in extension in Port Harcourt; wealthier than all CCCM’s taxi drivers put together.
2. Be able to disappear as an point in time as far as the ring Iya gave him is in his right thumb.
3. Receive 100kay monthly from Ovundah for driving him to and fro Iya’s shrine.


“Iya them say this Chief Reynold George na strong man, say him jaz strong well well” Ovundah begins, “I come here make you add more strength for me because Marvin gay and Bob Marley say I must follow them go the hit”

“Bob Marley, I wan see you! Come my caba! Or no border to come my caba, I go text you where we go meet!” Ovundah calls Bob Marley on the phone.


“See I like you well well nahim make I call you make we discuss!” Ovundah and Bob Marley are at the VIP section of Monalisa.

“You be the boss no doubt, make I tell you the truth, I no like you, I no like your government”

“Why, wetin I do?” Ovundah is hurt by those words.

“Your government no dey kpai, your government no be like Obele government!”

“You dey jonz ooh, why you dey talk like this, shey kpai na better thing?”

“Why we com be Icelanders if we no dey kpai? Kpai-kpai dey our blood na!”

“See you no go fit compare my government with Obele government, my government na peaceful government!”

“Okay na, dey there dey do peaceful government until when Sobe and Dili mutiny you, you go know!”

“Mutiny me? How na?”

“Those guys wan collect power from your hand” Bob Marley continues, “You know say them be Igbo boys and their Igbo brother Obele nahim bring them come board, them be Obele bone men, even sef them go still dey trowey salama for Obele till now wey him don leave the school!”

“Ehnn, wetin concern language with confra wey we dey?”

“E concern ooh, because as you see me and Marvin gay so we be your Ikwerre brothers, we like you well well, we no go fit do you bad thing!”

“Why una no come dey show am say una like me? Una dey disobey me na!”

“We dey disobey you because we no like as your government no dey kpai-kpai, you no say na kpai-kpai be our work”

“I know say na kpai-kpai be una work you and Marvin gay nahim make I want make una help me kpai one of my enemy!” Ovundah says.

“I know this your enemy, him name na Omo!” Ovundah is shocked at what Bob Marley said.

“Na because of the Sand-Sand wey too much for this field nahim make them dey call am Sand siro” The guy stops laughing at Eze’s own goal.

Fulltime whistle is blown and Ovundah rushes to make a mockery of Eze.

“Oboy I hear say na you be king of own goal!!”

“Me? Oga na mistake jor, person no fit make mistake again?”

“Which kin mistake? Them say na you be the highest goal scorer for own goal, you dey here dey talk of mistake” Both men are walking towards where they can get a drink.

“Wait ooh!” Eze pauses.

“Wetin be that?” Ovundah is looking at him.

“No be Omo be that?”

“Omo as in Omomo?”

“Yes Omo! See am there, nahim wear white” Eze points.

Ovundah stops abruptly like he has seen a ghost. He has sure seen a ghost; one that Sobe couldn’t see.


“Sobe! Which information you don get about Omo, tell me!” Ovundah is at Central Afrika with Sobe.

“The guy dey stay for Number 4 Elochukwu street Ogbunabali, him dey sell meat for Oil mill market, him get three stands for that oil mill market, Him be point 1 for Eiye, him get one winch man wey dey give am jaz, him name na Baba Bisi”

“How many back-men wey him get?” Ovundah is interested.

“Him back-men na 17!”

“Me how many new back-men wey you initiate for this new year ones wey just enter school?”

“I initiate 6 of them!”

“So how many we com dey now?”

“We dey 25, but na 20 back-men we get”

If cultism was the game of chess, Ovundah is the King of Iceland in Uniport, Sobe is his Queen, stubborn Marvin gay and Bob Marley are the Bishop and Castle respectively, Dili is the Knight, the rest are the Pawns ironically called back-men set in front of all battles.

“This battle against Eiye boys, we must win am!” Ovundah tells Sobe.

“Yes we must win am! But we need Marvin gay and Bob Marley”

“Chief Reynold George! Na the person wey Chop-and-Clean-mouth say make we bring down?” Ovundah is on the phone with his executioner Sobe.

“Who him be sef?” He is walking a lonely bush path beside Sand siro.

“Na rich oil business man?”


Sobe Ovundah’s executioner has been perfect with feeding Ovundah with valuable information pertaining to projects at hand yet he has not been able to help him find Omo.

“Sobe you don get any information about that guy Omomo, you don see am? You don know where him dey stay?” Ovundah asked him the previous day.

“I no know which kin selina wey that guy dey use ooh, all my informants wey I send make dem find am for everywhere for this Port Harcourt, no one don see am ooh!” Sobe is not glad to say.

“So wetin we go do?”

“Give me more time! More time! Extra time!”


It is extra time at Sand siro stadium Ogbum na Abali yet Eze is still warming up at the bench.

“make dem put my guy na!” Ovundah returns to his seat after receiving Sobe’s call.

“Who be your guy sef?” One Rumuodomaya united fan asks Ovundah.

“Na that guy Eze na, that number 4”

“That number 4? Eze? That one na Otu na!”

“Wetin be Otu?”

Otu is the kind of defender that will rather choose a wing at the back of the goal post than any designated position in the playing field. An Otu defender will score for his opponent in 4 out of every 10 kicks from his legs. In Manchester United Maguire is the Otu while in Rumudomaya United Eze is the Otu.

“That guy na the highest goal scorer!”

“Him be highest goal scorer, hmmmn, e good na!” Ovundah is proud of Eze, “Them no suppose dey bench am na!”

“Oga, him be highest goal scorer for own goal!”

Own goal! Eze entered the field while Ovundah is asking the guy sitting beside him why the stadium is called Sand siro and not San siro after the popular football stadium. And guess what? Our Eze scored an own goal on his first kick.