NewStats: 3,264,979 , 8,185,259 topics. Date: Friday, 13 June 2025 at 03:03 AM 3tj69

kushme:

Typically, speaking from what i have seen, several times. A man with a gov' appointment started stealing in order to make his growing family happy. The stealing ways of the appointed man would now affect and make a lot of families unhappy.

You don't need "growing family" as an excuse to steal, people who are not married are stealing too when they have opportunity.

Can people be compatible or coorperate for that long if they don't have the same interests? I doubt. You want to talk about sci-fi and Yamal of Barca while she wants to talk about Verydarkman and latest celebrity weddings, marriage and divorce.
I hope she gets the piece of your mind for you guys to live peacefully.

I believe that one can find happiness, companion and peace of mind in a partner. We struggle with these three virtues daily from external to internal forces. So, finding one person to give you all three is an angel.

Marriage is a continuous work even when all the needs or requirements are met, no perfect marriage

InvertedHammer:
/
There is time in life for everything. Even gestation has its period. If after 9 months there is no delivery, people get worried. If a child is born earlier than 8 months, it calls for concern as well. At 2, a child is supposed to have crawled and then walked. At 24, one should have graduated from college or learned a trade skill. There is also a retirement age. We may pretend but life has its cycle: Silver, golden age, you name it. Can we redefine life because we want it to selfishly fit into our loser lifestyles? Of course! Your life, your prerogative.

If you are 40 and single, there is no more vivid way to define a COLOSSAL failure. You are a loser! The person's conscience tells him/her. No pretense necessary. Must everyone get married? No! But those who don't or can't shouldn't try to convince others that it is normal. Isn't that what trans is all about? Forcing others to believe that alternative lifestyle is normal.

Go and marry!!!

/

A failure is a man who cannot provide for himself and a colossal failure is a married man who cannot provide for his immediate family.

However, wisdom dictates that you remove that word "failure" from your mouth with positive mindset. Success is a journey, not a destination.

I pray life does not suddenly give you a brain-resetting reality check with all those age-based landmarks of yours .A popular FM radio personality in the 90s had everything going well for him with all your success checkmark ticked until an accident took all his three wonderful children the same day. He never recovered, life was perfect until that moment. A former president, Shehu Shagari lost 4 children the same day and never recovered. These examples are to encourage moderation in our views. Let us seek wisdom to guide our mindset.

Marriage is a very good and enjoyable thing, when you have the finance and good spouse. No one have the right to pressure any adult into marriage, it's solely a personal decision. Those people pressuring you to marry, 99% of them can never dash you common 5k to sort out your finance in marriage if you're broke.

maasoap:


You don't need "growing family" as an excuse to steal, people who are not married are stealing too when they have opportunity.


Marriage is a continuous work even when all the needs or requirements are met, no perfect marriage

I agree.

Henrydata:


Others won't read this Ur write up o.

When reality sets on them at old age, they will know. As long as you are close to God. There is always a blessing attached to marriage. Trust me, except you don't believe in God.

I got married at the age of 32 in one room apartment. After a year, we moved to a Room and parlour and now 9 years down the line, we have our own building of two bedroom flat. With three kids now.

Sometimes, I imagined if I didn't marry then, I would have been kind of irresponsible. Cos I am very handsome and girls were all over me. And I don't know how to say no to them. Maybe by now, I for don get Aids or born children out of wedlock.

This your “there is always a blessing attached to marriage “has landed many people in trouble.

Na only you Dey close to God abi?

That It went that way for you has nothing to do with you being closer to God or not.

There are people much more closer to God than you are and it didn’t favour them.

There are also people that don’t know God and are having it better than you are.

How about doing yours and leaving others to do theirs?

samcolee:


I share almost same story, same 7yrs relationship and she's graduating by the end of the year so I did the consultation last year and wanted to pay the rite this year but she broke up cos I couldn't pay everything at once 😆. I'm down but I'd be back up

😁😁😁 Wahala for who Dey groom girl from small Pikin to marry.

Now dem don leave you.

Woman no go follow you if you no fit pay their bills.

Forget the talk about love.

I hope you have learnt your lesson.

InvertedHammer:
/
There is time in life for everything. Even gestation has its period. If after 9 months there is no delivery, people get worried. If a child is born earlier than 8 months, it calls for concern as well. At 2, a child is supposed to have crawled and then walked. At 24, one should have graduated from college or learned a trade skill. There is also a retirement age. We may pretend but life has its cycle: Silver, golden age, you name it. Can we redefine life because we want it to selfishly fit into our loser lifestyles? Of course! Your life, your prerogative.

If you are 40 and single, there is no more vivid way to define a COLOSSAL failure. You are a loser! The person's conscience tells him/her. No pretense necessary. Must everyone get married? No! But those who don't or can't shouldn't try to convince others that it is normal. Isn't that what trans is all about? Forcing others to believe that alternative lifestyle is normal.

Go and marry!!!

/

Those are your opinion, which you are entitled to.

cucumbar:
😁😁😁 Wahala for who Dey groom girl from small Pikin to marry.

Now dem don leave you.

Woman no go follow you if you no fit pay their bills.

Forget the talk about love.

I hope you have learnt your lesson.

YES lessons learnt but she was 19 and working with FG so i didnt groom her or you mean 19 cant give consent? or doesnt know when she agreed to marrry immediately after graduation?

Mekuseh11:
When you pay attention to the intent of a word of advice, then you can gauge if it's from a place of care, concern or disguised mockery.

The " Go and marry" tag falls in line with the disguised mockery often packaged as a genuine concern.
Age, finance and status are mostly the determinant of these fallacious shows of sportsmanship as it is always a subtle way to remind you of your decline.
Rarely does happiness, companionship or even peace of mind be considered as a criteria for the supposed " Go and marry" advice.

Isn't it surprising that if there is a refusal on your part to cling onto the marriage ship, they throw in a subtle jibe and undertone caricature, reminding you of your anticipated decline and risk of losing out in life.
Every other achievement is discarded and you are faced with multiple reasons why you are on your way to doom.

Then the game starts,
Pressure from onlookers
Constant reminder of your lack of purpose (marriage wise)
Subtle jibe and derogatory insinuations
Age shaming and broke shaming.

It's like there is a calculated arrangement to undermine every good thing in your life outside of marriage.
Soon it gets to a stage where the pendulum swings and they become loud, aggressive, judgmental, mean, disrespectful and what have you! Just to sway and hasten your decision.

The question is why do you get offended at my refusal to heed your supposed advice?
Why am I getting mocked all of a sudden?
Why are my achievements secondary to your concerns?
Why do I need to prove my intent of life with marriage?

Think about it slowly!

We are all a product of life and it is expected through procreation to give life too. I understand that sometimes you need a slight push to make future decisions especially when it concerns others.
What I don't understand is why there is pressure to act quickly, a timer to determine my right to what fulfillment entails.
Maybe I'm overthinking, just maybe?

" Go and marry" is far from what it looks like, it has become a source of pain, caricature and a reminder of a looming failure.
The pressure takes a toll on people.
The sigh of relief that comes after marriage is mostly from a place of freedom against the society, instead of a genuine path to a beautiful next chapter.

Well those who usually tow that useless line of "go and marry" haven't met the person who gives them the insult they so deserve.

For me, I've long put them in there place. Anybody who tells me, go and marry, or even ask, when are you getting married, I simply ask them which of my bills they're currently paying for them to even ask me that question.

Some will even say, "if my parents didn't marry and give birth to me, will I even exist". I normally tell them, I didn't ask my parents to give birth to me. It's that simple. Nigerians should learn to mind their business. Marriage isn't a yardstick for success or even fulfilment. Seeing the range at which people commit heinous crimes all in the name of marriage.

The last person who told me to go and marry, had himself to blame. I simply told him, he didn't mean well for me, that he just identify himself as a hater and someone who doesn't want my progress. He asked me what do I mean, I simply told me, he wants me to be as wretched and empty like him, because despite him being married, I still give him money, and often assist him with school fees for his kids. Atleast if marriage is an achievement, he's suppose to be the one doing these things for himself.

It's prudent to know how to give these people who don't know how to mind their business, favourable replies, for their poke nosing and bad belle.

ibechris:
This topic is between some of us that agreed and those who are likely to disagree.

The truth is this,if u have money and had the opportunity to have married like 5yrs ago when u were 35 and u didn't marry,as soon as u clock 40 and got married u will know within u,that u have messed up considering retirement and the lost yrs.
And to those who have decided not to marry,it is also a good decision. Reason is, every decision has its consequence and such is life. Everyone should enjoy. For me,I will advice that if u don't have money,pls don't marry. Marriage can kill u before ur time...the cost of running a family is crazy under this current president. I used to advice men to marry in their 30s but not anymore.

Pls,avoid it if u can.

Ah! Tinubunomics must be so serious if you can write such.

shadrach77:
Never listen to anyone who tells you to go and marry. Marry only because you feel a genuine need to do so and you feel it will add benefits to your life.

85% of people who advice others to marry use that as a subtle way of mocking single people. Then some people are jealous of you because you don't have the kind of financial responsibilities they have so they want you to marry so that you can be like them.
Then you'll hear some people say unmarried people are irresponsible. Another foolish talk. When did marriage become an achievement? There are many married people who are irresponsible. Some of of the richest people in the world are unmarried - Bill Gates, Dangote, Elon Musk, Anthony Joshua etc.

Don't let anyone push you

I used to hold the view that marriage does not make a man to be "responsible", but after much careful analysis, I realise that marriage indeed makes a hitherto bachelor responsible because he has to fend for and protect a household. For that singular reason, he is more responsible than a bachelor. The family is the unit of every society, so a man who provides and protects one is a responsible member of the society.

As for whether marriage is an achievement depends on the individual. Achievement is a subjective phrase. Anything can be an achievement to everyone.

Chief2410:
Misery likes company.They want you to also suffer what they are suffering. Hardly you see a Nigerian pressure you to come benefit from what he is benefitting from

The comment above yours is a perfect example of that mentality.

Honestly, I wish for a wealthy Nigeria where people can do what they want without double thinking their economic survival.

Cti28:


I once said to some group of married men, that marriage is not an achievement; they nearly cried.

All in all, a man should strive to be economically buoyant as he can. It is the economics that made them nearly cry, not marriage as a concept.

Gerrard59:

Ah! Tinubunomics must be so serious if you can write such.

My only saving grace was that I increased my income...the govt for expose me into mockery.

My monthly expense has gone up badly.

If I can complain as a married man who earn close to 0000I wonder what others would say.

The country's economy is in total shambles.

Pennilessword1:
What if I don't genuinely want to just get married and don't even want kids ..? Why is marriage a criteria for most black people. Can't they think beyond marriage as an achievement?

A good question as there are very few Black people who practice the concept of Dual Income No Kids (DINK)

ibechris:

My only saving grace was that I increased my income...the govt for expose me into mockery.
My monthly expense has gone up badly.

If I can complain as a married man who earn close to 4 to 5million I wonder what other would say.

The country's economy is in total shambles.

Interesting. Thank you for your comment. I never realised the country's economy to be so bad. The pictures and videos on Instagram told me otherwise.

Gerrard59:

Interesting. Thank you for your comment. I never realised the country's economy to be so bad. The pictures and videos on Instagram told me otherwise.

Lol, believe social media at your peril.people are going through hell that many can't even complain about.

Mekuseh11:


Are you due for marriage because you are 40 Or because you genuinely want a companion and life around you?
Sometimes we allow societal standards determine our course of action. Don't be pressured into anything.
Your priority now should be getting a stable source of income and then you can find a partner to build with ( there is someone out there for you).
Afterwards you can get married and still enjoy your life.

The goto phrase for people who are either ignorant or not in touch with reality, stuckup in their LaLaLand - "Societal Standards"

To be honest for the average man, from 45years & above if you are not married it will become kind of shameful.

Its biology, not societal standards...anytime i see my colleagues post their kid(s) pix on their status, i know how i feel.

I am a man in my early 30s

Assuming all things goes well, the benefits of marrying early trumps late marriage.

As a man you, if you work on yourself, stay in shape, financially stable, and most espercially God bless you with good looks, at 50 he can still marry a lady half his age.

But these are exceptional men not the normies or the regular joe who are majority.

So a man should use his 20s in developing himself, learning intergender dynamics, stay fit, form connections with other men and build his career or craft.

dederocs:

Jesus Christ who they worship didn't marry...some humans have low IQ and most are bitter from their unhappy miserable lives, ignore and avoid them.

You are actually the one with Low IQ for using "Jesus Christ" to make your point about men who didn't marry in history.

"Important" or REVOLUTIONARY men who did not their gene to the next generation are outliers...

and even men who are revolutionaries are exceptional humans the 0.000000000001% of Humans

[quote author=0neal post=135567524]

The goto phrase for people who are either ignorant or not in touch with reality, stuckup in their LaLaLand - "Societal Standards"

To be honest for the average man, from 45years & above if you are not married it will become kind of shameful.

Its biology, not societal standards...anytime i see my colleagues post their kid(s) pix on their status, i know how i feel.

I am a man in my early 30s

Assuming all things goes well, the benefits of marrying early trumps late marriage.

As a man you, if you work on yourself, stay in shape, financially stable, and most espercially God bless you with good looks, at 50 he can still marry a lady half his age.

But these are exceptional men not the normies or the regular joe who are majority.

So a man should use his 20s in developing himself, learning intergender dynamics, stay fit, form connections with other men and build his career or craft.


This is the problem, (societal standards).
You just justified the above by stating what a man is supposed to attain at a certain time frame. So what happens to the few that couldn't meet up due to ( sickness, poverty or lack of education). There is no room for flexibility and it puts pressure on them. Yes a Man is supposed to this, a woman is supposed to this at a certain age, but should they all the thrown away because they couldn't meet up?
The same society standard frown against adoption which in the right sense is an option for women

Annahh:
"his children" your friend need to increase his income

Easy for a woman to say


No wonder we have more widows than widowers

Normal, during those days in schools where your mate had wanted you too to experience their punishment by withdrawing vital information that would have exempt you.... That's how I view marriage. Your married pals want you too to come have the first hand experience, probably as a way to show you that they are trying mystery like company.

A friend once told me that marriage will make orbreak you.

That's how it is supposed to be. When you're in a marriageable age of mid-20s, 30s,or early 40s, you should get married.

But unfortunately the Nigerian economy under APC has disabled most men of marital age financially.
They're mostly preoccupied now with personal survival than anything else.
Those foreign countries that grant mostly married persons with visa approvals only do it without looking beyond the socioeconomic situations of their own countries. It's just based on the general assumption that's what had to be done at that stage in life, without considerations to the everyday realities of persons of those other countries.

I personally relate to this point you raised.
A travel agent that's helping to process my travel docs adviced me that I had better do a marriage certificate so has to boost my chances of getting my visa approved given the fact that I'm in my early 40s and unmarried.
Mehn, I just had to oblige her to be on the safer side.
It goes to show that we humans are generally family-oriented. We're primarily here to procreate & keep the circle of life going.

femi4:
Wrong

It's about taking responsibility and being responsible in the society.

Why do you think landlords n some country's visa give priority to a family man

Banbanna:
That's how it is supposed to be. When you're in a marriageable age of mid-20s, 30s,or early 40s, you should get married.

But unfortunately the Nigerian economy under APC has disabled most men of marital age financially.
They're mostly preoccupied now with personal survival than anything else.
Those foreign countries that grant mostly married persons with visa approvals only do it without looking beyond the socioeconomic situations of their own countries. It's just based on the general assumption that's what had to be done at that stage in life, without considerations to the everyday realities of persons of those other countries.

I personally relate to this point you raised.
A travel agent that's helping to process my travel docs adviced me that I had better do a marriage certificate so has to boost my chances of getting my visa approved given the fact that I'm in my early 40s and unmarried.
Mehn, I just had to oblige her to be on the safer side.
It goes to show that we humans are generally family-oriented. We're primarily here to procreate & keep the circle of life going.

Most of the thugs in school that you never thought could change turned a new leaf after marriage especially after having kids

yongg:


They don't know, lols. When I say why don't they just die too since people their age have died, they'd start acting funny 🤣

Pressure for pressure.
It surprises me when they feel so entitled my life

So you really told them that? You get mouth o. That's flippant mehn!
.

dederocs:

How many of them secure their kids future?

All the area boys, criminals, touts, beggars, almajiris are people's children, they are just producing future liabilities and problems for the nation with so many poor kids...it is people with low IQ that mock others for this, great men are known by their inventions and contributions, it is dumb heads with their myopic view that think marriage or kids is an achievement, when even almajiris and mad men have wives and kids, even animals procreate.

Avoid and ignore such people.

Omo, you just don't give a d@mn at all. Telling it like it is 👏👏😁

Banbanna:


So you really told them that? You get mouth o. That's flippant mehn!
.

Lols, there's nothing more flippant than for them to assume another sovereign human should just go marry as if it were a one-party operation, that the other person will always agree or that their 'agreement' or 'consent' were inconsequential (imagine how preposterous when it's coming from a woman, what an irony! walking contradictions!), not considering if both parties are compatible. They are basically assuming I cannot recognize what I want in a partner, they even assume all partnership is the same with the popularized traditional roles. The amount of flippancy embedded in that statement especially when they say it so disrespectfully is just inexhaustible.

Imagine that when they say it, So one should just 'kidnap' a partner (they have not even considered the affinity type), will they be willing to handle all requests and blames from that operation because apparently one should get married because of their busy-body, they should draw up the timelines, copulation, handle resulting financial problems, and so on. Isn't that ridiculous? There's so much to say about the ridiculousness it has to be witnessed when it's being said to them pressure for pressure.

Infact let's assume that they really believe their logic, then they should actually consider dieing sooner, really, because if they so wish to be so hasty in cycling out, after a certain age, marriage, then death, then they are also missing out on a step. They miss a step when they marry and yet to have one more child. They miss a step when they fail to die after having the amount of offsprings they want, then again, eff what they want because they didn't consider mine before suggesting marriage. Hence, to die sonner should be their recommendation, mirroring their logic.

Can you imagine a grown human being throwing away personal planning towards lifelong or short term adult partnership to please a total outsider (or even an unaware familiar) oblivious of all parameters about his/her person, completely aware that they will bear no responsibility for any or all incompatibility, conflict and critical situations which will make or mar one for life in the partnership they so hurriedly want to force into reality.

Brah, there's therefore no difference between a gambler relying on sheer luck and no planning and these guys who flippantly harass unmarried adults when they say this.

Basicend:


In today's world, 40 years of age is still okay for a man.

But you must start building on something meaningful for yourself and future at this stage. That's very important.

Otherwise, if you desire marriage later, it may continue to remain just in your dream.

What is the "something meaningful" that he should start building for himself?

Annahh:
"his children" your friend need to increase his income

How should he increase his income?

Annahh:
You sef go and marry, what are you waiting for...

It's not usually said to women cause a man might not approach a woman which might be the reason for delay but a man in his 40s not married is a RED flag....

What makes it a red flag?

If the guy ask you to marry him, will you marry him?

Oyindidi:
Na so una go talk till you realize your mistake com marry at 55years old. Your first pikin go dey 10 years and you go be 70 years. Go and marry now!!

Oya Coman marry me